Life In General...

Monday, 3 October 2011 by Al Kay
...

It's certainly been an enlightening year for me, I've had some tremendous ups and some terrible downs but that's what life's about!

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling these days, time has just flown by and as much as I'm happy about that, there are times when I just want to put a stop to things for 5 minutes and take a break. I've had every oppurtunity to cancel things or take a rain check, but I never have and the reason for that is that I'm scared of changing where my life is going right now. I know I'm moving in the right direction with things and some might say that I'm moving too fast...but that's how I need to have it.

Meeting people has been an extreme challenge and it's something that has been done of my own accord. Nobody has been forcing me to do anything and that's why it's so much easier for me to try harder, I don't work too well under pressure, I have to do things at my own pace and somehow go with the flow. I've met a wide variety of people so far, from allsorts of backgrounds. Some haven't been on my wavelength so they just haven't worked out, no hard feelings and all that. Some I haven't really gotten to know that well because they weren't interested...who can argue with other people's priorities? Then, there was one in particular who was a good friend for a while, who turned out to be a very bad influence, I can't stand racists or control freaks and this one was a double whammy, that one had to go.

That brings us to today and in the past week I've been involved with a couple of people who I think I like. They're complete opposites and definitely tough nuts to crack, but I'm getting there. I've only met one of them once so, it's early days I suppose.

With all that being said, I'd say that there is major progress to be made...moreso now than ever. I've been getting plenty of support from Lisa and a few others which makes things either much easier...or much hard. On the one hand, it's great to have positive vibes, on the other hand, it's alot of pressure because the last thing you want to be doing is trying to make other people happy when infact it's yourself that needs the help.

There are still morons out there that want you to fail and perhaps they might get their wish...but not without a fight. I don't have the most confidence in the world...I can't even go into a shop! I feel one day that I will get there, for now it's a far-off dream. I'll keep dreaming though.

'Till next time...

Allen Kirwan. (Still no sig)
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Summer 2011.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011 by Al Kay
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I haven't bothered updating in a while, things have been all over the place and I haven't had the patience to write down any of my thoughts in this blog OR my private blog. Here I am though and I don't want to blabber on about my life this time so how about something a bit different?

Alot of shit is going on in the world today that I have troubled keeping track off. The amount of protesting and violence that's going on right now is unbelievable, but I do believe that it's not for nothing, that there's a genuine cause for these people to stand up and fight for their rights (to party). I don't read the news anymore, I find out most things through internet video and friends posting links on Facebook. I used to really be up to date with the goings on in the world but these days I am keeping things as stress-free as possible, so the only news I do read everyday is the Swedish news in English.

The most recent article I read was about the Jackass star Ryan Dunn. He Dunn Died...heh. It's wrong that I made a joke about that, but even more wrong that I laughed out loud at said joke that I made. Anyway, he died in a horrific car accident which also killed his passenger. It's speculated that he was drink driving so that was retarded. I hate that there are idiots on the road killing people everyday because they're either a terrible driver or drunk. Ryan Dunn is just a victim of his own stupidity and so is anyone else who thinks they can get into a car and drive while under the influence.

Now for something a bit more positive. Eurovision was AMAZING. We watched it live and were very impressed with the stage, the acts and the songs. The presenters were...eh...I'm not gonna say that they're stupid, but they were cringe worthy, German AND they spoke French. I have nothing against Germans, but they have the worst sense of humour. The French on the otherhand, I can't fucking stand...

I had a few favourite acts, they were:

France
Moldova
Bosnia & Herzegovina
F.Y.R Macedonia
Russia

I was actually impressed with Sweden's act too. I didn't like him in the National Finals of Melodifestivalen but he shaped up his act for Eurovision and put on a decent show. Not one of my favourites but, definitely worth a mention.

Well, I know it was only a quick one, but I just wanted to "pop in" and make an appearance on here as it is MY blog.

'Till Next Time...

Allen J Kirwan. (I lost the signature)



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Härligt Väder.

Monday, 18 April 2011 by Al Kay
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It's been just over a year since I started this blog! I'm glad I've used it as much as I have, which to some people isn't alot but to me, it's enough.

Onwards, it's Spring and the past couple of days have been red hot. At 9-14 degrees it's t-shirt weather, so God knows how I'm going to feel when it's upwards of 25 degrees in the Summer. No ladies, I won't be getting my tits out...I'm not THAT Swedish just yet. We had a friend over yesterday and we had plenty to talk about; the weather, politics and even Nazi Frosties. I even spoke about my Autism (which I vowed not to talk about with people in my last blog), but I felt it was the right time to let it out. I'm not exactly a "people person" so this was new for me to be so comfortable with someone. Good times - let them fucking roll.

At the beginning of the month it was my birthday and, while it wasn't exactly the Queen's Golden Jubilee, I still enjoyed it muchly. The presents were awesome, the cake was green and the weather was shit, quite a combo. The birthday wishes were much appreciated aswell, I still can't believe I'm in touch with people from years past...I hate them all of course. Just kidding.

Easter's also around the corner, can I be arsed celebrating? I might be, it depends on a few things as my idea of "celebrating" doesn't involve alcohol anymore...bit of a bummer but I've been T-Total since the start of the year and I'm thinking it may stay that way. I've never been one to give a shit about Easter but, things have changed and I no longer live with the world's largest cynic about these things (yes mum, if you're reading this, I'm talking about you :P). If she isn't reading this, don't tell her I said that...she might eat me. Yes a fat joke, that's how we get along.

I can't believe they're still selling "Winter White" chocolate in the shops...I don't know if they've noticed but...

The sea is sparkling blue and there's not a cloud in the sky. Sadly, I can't enjoy it through most of the day because Lisa's in school doing school stuff. Instead I'll be doing house chores and scanning a book for Lisa. I really like to keep myself occupied with activities, I find it impossible to just lay on the couch and do nothing but play games. That sort of life really depresses me, more now than ever. I'm getting things into gear and getting myself out there more and more, little by little. Right now, I'm very happy with what I'm doing and what I hope to achieve, I feel I have some purpose and that there's light at the end of that motherfucking tunnel.

In the end, we need the downs to justify the ups.

'Till next time...



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Change.

Friday, 25 February 2011 by Al Kay
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Since the end of December, my life has gone through more changes than ever before. I won't go into much detail as it's a relatively private matter but the changes that I'm going through right now have been going well so far and I wouldn't want to jinx that.

I've been through a shitload and toward the end of last year I came to realise that life was too complicated for me and Lisa to handle alone, so we've begun the process of getting some help. All I can say about that is that the UK health system let me down BIG TIME. I was told I could not get any medication and was refused any kind of medical help on the grounds that people with Autism over the age of 18 don't need it. Things are COMPLETELY different in Sweden, which is excellent for me right now, but I'm still very bitter over the way I was handled in England and I sure as Hell won't get over it in a hurry.

On that note however, I've decided to stop all talk of Autism outside of a professional manner. I had to talk with a couple of Swedish professionals just the other week and already I could tell it was boring me because I'd been asked the same or similar questions so much in the past. I can tell that it's going to be something that I'm going to have to talk about quite alot in the future with therapists and whatnot, so I would prefer to leave it there with them. From now on this blog will be about other things that interest me and might interest the people that read it. I have no interest in talking about it with friends, family or acquaintances from this point forward.

Right now, I don't have alot to talk about, hence why I barely blog these days. I do write on my LiveJournal about once a week but that's a private thing and would rather only have trusted individuals read it. Don't get me wrong, I trust alot of people with various things, it's just that the things I write about would probably offend some of the more "sensitive" individuals. You know, the ones that give Ofcom a call if they hear something they don't like on TV.

On the subject of TV, Swedish entertainment has it's highs and lows. On the one hand they have Melodifestivalen, which gives the public a chance to choose their Eurovision act for this year. It's the only regular thing I watch here every Saturday, it's brilliant. On the other hand though...daytime TV is made up of mostly middle-aged women going on about cooking, politics and education. Not exactly my cup of tea. There's not much to choose from sadly and that's where England has the upperhand.

On the newsfront, the protests in Egypt, Libya and various other countries in and around the middle east made the student riots in the UK look like a couple of nursery kids fighting over a Lego piece. FREEDOM!!

In wrestling news, THE ROCK IS BACK WAHAY! Not that I can watch it, but it's nice to hear that he's back home and everything.

Well, I'm going to end it there, there's not much point in me rambling on if I've got nothing to ramble on about.

'Till next time...


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Christmas Time.

Monday, 3 January 2011 by Al Kay
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I'm not gonna lie, things have been quite stressful for Lisa and I over the past few months. I won't talk about that though, it's a new year so let's have some new beginnings eh?

I've been away from this place for a while, I have actually set up my blogging home somewhere else for the timebeing. AllenKirwan.com isn't the best place to get things off my chest, not the really personal, gritty stuff anyway. Anyway, I'm back and have loads to talk about so let's get started with some resolutions.

1. Lose Weight. This is the more obvious one, I'm sure everyone has this as their resolution every year, but I'm really going to make a conscious effort so that my double chin and I get the most out of life through what I consider, some pretty shitty circumstances.

2. Get Life Sorted. Bit vague, but the overall message is that if I'm not 100% happy with my life, then I should do something to fix that. Already we've got the ball rolling with Autism specialists and research concerning medication, so fingers, toes and eyes crossed that 2011 will be my year? Also...I need to really shape up my Swedish.

3. Improve Guitar. I've slacked BIG time. I don't think I've ever played the guitar less than I have in 2010. Crazy. It's still a full blown addiction of course, but I've gone from 12 hours a day to about 3-4. I've got all this time, I should do something useful with it.

4. Set The Record Straight. Even more vague than number 2 actually. Without getting into too much detail, there seems to be someone out there who doesn't quite *get* why I detest them so much, perhaps this year I'll make sure they understand.

I do indeed have a plan on how I'm going to complete these resolutions, it's going to take alot of time and effort but it'll be worth it in the end.

While not a resolution as such, more a thought, I've been thinking that some people really shouldn't be on my "friends list". Facebook is my one and only outlet to reach out to friends, family and people, such as Lisa's friends, who I may need to get hold of in the future, as such, should people who have completely neglected the idea of friendship be anywhere near that? I don't think so.

Also, gone are the days that I can't be myself on there, for fear of "consequences" from people who take issue with it. Fuck 'em I say.

I've never really made resolutions before, never wanted to, never believed in it, but this year is different because so much is going on that I need some guidelines to see me through it. Stressed? Very, but it'll settle itself once I stop playing the waiting game and get something done.

This isn't the "usual" post I suppose, more a venting of frustration with what's been happening. I hope it's readable, I can't even be fucked spellchecking or even giving it a read to make sure I didn't say something daft, nope, this one's more like a journal entry.

I would have liked to end it there, but there is a couple of things that I need to get off my chest before I get going.

Laura, thanks for being there for me the past month or so, I've really enjoyed our "essays".

Mike, New Years was AWESOME.

Here's hoping those sentiments are still there by the end of this year. I have faith!

'Till next time...


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A Mixed Bag.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010 by Al Kay
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A Mixed Bag.

You're right, I haven't posted in a while.

Tons of things have been on my mind aswell, I just haven't been able to sit down and write about them. So here I am writing about how I can't write about stuff. Ironic? I barely know the meaning of the word.

Today I've finally found the je ne sais quoi to get writing! (I hate French)

So here goes:

It's been over a YEAR since I made the move to Sweden, crazy how time flies right? I can still remember how I felt around this time last year...all the memories. Lisa, her dad and I packing the car, saying farewell to my family, getting on the boat...It's cliché to say it but, it feels like yesterday. 8-9 weeks of planning and it culminated in me leaving the UK forever. It's hard to look back and not feel accomplishment, because it was the biggest gamble of my life and it paid off big time. It was all arranged by Lisa and her dad - the boats, the bridges, the hotels, the car, the trailer. I can't thank them enough for that.

If I didn't have this condition I'd have been able to get on a plane and have my belongings delivered by cargo. Ah well, if only life were that simple, we all have our downfalls so I know I'm not alone when the shit hits the fan - which is why it was a good job that Lisa's dad was so willing to help us out like he did.

I still can't believe how long it's been, I knew it would take me a while to get used to things and settle in, but everything still feels so new to me. It isn't paradise where I live, I've discovered many flaws to being on such a remote island, not to mention in a completely different country in itself, but I tend to ignore them and look at the positives. Life isn't worth living if you focus on bad things all the time, which is, admittedly, what I usually end up doing most of the time anyway.

That brings me to a conversation that Lisa and I had maybe a couple of months back. She asked me whether I thought I was a pessimist or an optimist. It was a difficult one to answer because I think there were a few points against me by default, which were:

  • The Autism doesn't exactly make me want to reach for the stars.
  • My dry sense of humour can't help.
  • I'm British.
I didn't have a brilliant start when answering Lisa's shitty question, as you could imagine. I tried to dodge it and say that I was a "Realist", but let's face it, we all make a mountain out of a molehill from time to time and I am definitely no exception. I'm not even going to list my optimistic traits because they are few and far between. Such a fucking pessimist, heh.

In other news, I can't believe how the democrats in the USA had such a weak election! I obviously keep up with these things because, let's face it, the USA is probably the most powerful country in the world...according to most Americans. Anyway, the democrats lost the House of Representatives and only just held onto the Senate, I'm not gonna get into detail on what this means because I, myself, barely understand it.
What I can say is this...it doesn't look good for Obama or the Democrats. I side towards the Left when it comes to politics and I was especially a massive Obama supporter when his election campaign was at it's strongest, so I'm left feeling a bit of disappointment for him. I don't know if he's done a good or bad job really...Americans haven't really taken to him as much I thought they would, but I've heard alot about how he's not lived up to alot of promises he made when his election campaign rolled out.
As far as I know though, 3 of his main points that he established back in '08 have come to fruition:

  • Getting out of Iraq
  • Putting a stronger focus on Afghanistan
  • Healthcare reforms
I don't know HOW successful those have been OR what other things he's done. You tell me?

Swedish and British politics have also been a bit...meh. It seems the Right winged are gaining alot of support over the globe, particularly in Europe. I'm not a big fan of that direction but who can argue with the majority? To my surprise, Lisa and I differ on who we support in Sweden, but over here the policies aren't as opposite as they are in America and the UK. From what I've seen, it's easier for the parties in the Swedish Riksdag to reach agreements. Infact most recently the two main opponent parties have come to terms on the Swedish presence in Afghanistan. This kind of thing is quite rare, especially since neither party went against their own believes to come to such an agreement.

OK, enough of politics...I know I could talk for days on end about it but even I know it's boring.

My mum and sister Jenny came for a visit about a month ago, it was great seeing them and we had a brilliant time together. Jenny got me some Jack Daniels whisky so I got some use out of that so to speak. Lisa and I took them to see the wonderful sights of Gotland, since there was 4 of us I could manage getting in a car so far away from home, we even stopped at a drive-thru. I think Jenny was a bit miffed at the traffic...there was none. Jenny lives in London and is used to the rat-race mentality, so coming to Gotland might have been a bit of a culture shock for her. The speed limit on Gotland is also very low, much lower than England and even the rest of Sweden, but it's nice to relax and with the lower speeds I think she could enjoy seeing more of the sights from the car. My mum had a nice time, I think it was a massive change to what she's used to, which is a good thing because where she comes from is a shithole (LOL!). It's true though, I'd sooner walk through a field of cow shit than go back to Sutton.

Moving on, Lisa's still in University and I never hear the end of it. Christ Almighty does she go on about it! So that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I...haven't been up to much. I walk out everyday, familiar places that are quiet though. I think I've gotten a bit complacent and perhaps need to branch out a bit to places that are less quiet. If I'm honest though I don't think it'll do any good (PESSIMIST!). I honestly can't see my ability to interact with people getting better unless I'm prescribed some sort of medication. A lot of my American friends are often shocked that I'm not on any kind of meds, I guess over there things are different. It has now come to a point that I need something to happen because, I've had quite enough of cognitive therapy. It hasn't worked and I doubt it ever will, if anything, I've got worse. I think in the new year things will be changing...hopefully for the best.

Anyway, I don't have much else to talk about...I know it seems like I'm on some sort of downer but I'm not. The positive stuff that happens in my life isn't so interesting to put into a blog, but it does happen so don't worry. I'll catch you all in a zillion years when I decide to put another post together. Lol.

'Till next time...







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Swedish Politics - "The End Of An Era"

Monday, 20 September 2010 by Al Kay
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I never thought I would be interested in Swedish politics - until last night. Here's what I've learned...

There are 8 parties currently in the Riksdag (Swedish Parliament), 7 of them form 2 different coalitions - The Alliance and The Red-Greens. It was between these two that the leadership was decided. The 8th party is called the Swedish Democrats, they got elected into the Riksdag last night for the first time. The Alliance beat The Red-Greens by quite a large margin, but they failed to gain the majority (50% or more) of the Riksdag.

All this basically means is that The Alliance has more power than The Red-Greens overall, but not enough to make a huge difference, which is where the Swedish Democrats come in.

The Swedish Democrats are, in the opinion of most Swedes, a racist party. In the UK, the equivalent of the Swedish Democrats is the BNP. The goal of the Swedish Democrats, according to them, is to have a responsible immigration policy but that is just an easy way of saying "No Immigrants, No Non-Whites, No Non-Swedish."

As an immigrant myself I find it disheartening to know that 5.7% (330,157) of the Swedish voting population feel this way. I wasn't an immigrant in the UK though and I found the BNP to be a disgusting excuse for human life, so I mostly have the same views now as I did before I left, thus, I'm not TOO biased.

SD = Swedish Democrats.

So what effect can the SD have on the Riksdag?

Well, since there isn't a majority goverment at the moment, the SD are what some call the decision makers. For example, if there's a movement where the The Red-Greens and The Alliance can't come to an agreement, the SD will have to make a decision on who to agree with. I'm not sure what other consequences there are to the SD being in Goverment, but I'm guessing it's not good. I know they'll be able to have much larger platform on which to speak and air their racist views though and that's not a good thing.

They've already amassed a wealth of support and it's only going to get worse if The Alliance and The Red Greens don't start working together to stop these racist people.

As you can see, the SD are the talk of the nation right now. I think people are just in disbelief that they got voted in, we all saw it coming but when it actually happened I think we all realised that it was the end of an era.

Internationally, Sweden has been a very quiet, neutral country, at least that's what I've come to believe. Now though, things may have to change. Last night may have set the stage for what might be a daunting future for Sweden.

I compare everything I come across to my experiences of living in England for 20 years by default, so I'm seeing alot of similarities between Swedish and English politics. Election night over here was fairly standard to what I'm used to, lots of numbers, statistics and parties. Nothing blew me away, but somehow I was quite intrigued about the whole thing, how one country can have so many different views of how things should be, some good, some very good, some bad and some very bad.

One thing that should be noted is how much I knew about Swedish politics before I watched it. Lisa informed me of the two major parties, just the basics, and she wasn't shy in telling me who she preferred. This most certainly affected how I was thinking during the election, which in hindsight, was not a good thing. I wouldn't say she pushed her views on me, but when describing who she liked, she made a point to say how great that party was and when talking about the other party, it felt to me like she had nothing but disdain for them. It may have been inadvertant on her part but I felt misled by the whole thing and brought it up with her today. After a good talk we both agreed that she should have found me some unbiased reading material and then I would have been able to decide for myself who I preferred.

I'm not sure where my views stand on the Government as a whole, obviously I'm either Alliance or Red-Green, they're what makes Sweden what it is today, a fine country with very few flaws. I can't vote obviously, but I can have my views and I can either keep them to myself or tell people. I just don't know what they are yet. More research is definitely in order.

I'll keep you updated.

'Till next time....


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