It's certainly been an enlightening year for me, I've had some tremendous ups and some terrible downs but that's what life's about!

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling these days, time has just flown by and as much as I'm happy about that, there are times when I just want to put a stop to things for 5 minutes and take a break. I've had every oppurtunity to cancel things or take a rain check, but I never have and the reason for that is that I'm scared of changing where my life is going right now. I know I'm moving in the right direction with things and some might say that I'm moving too fast...but that's how I need to have it.

Meeting people has been an extreme challenge and it's something that has been done of my own accord. Nobody has been forcing me to do anything and that's why it's so much easier for me to try harder, I don't work too well under pressure, I have to do things at my own pace and somehow go with the flow. I've met a wide variety of people so far, from allsorts of backgrounds. Some haven't been on my wavelength so they just haven't worked out, no hard feelings and all that. Some I haven't really gotten to know that well because they weren't interested...who can argue with other people's priorities? Then, there was one in particular who was a good friend for a while, who turned out to be a very bad influence, I can't stand racists or control freaks and this one was a double whammy, that one had to go.

That brings us to today and in the past week I've been involved with a couple of people who I think I like. They're complete opposites and definitely tough nuts to crack, but I'm getting there. I've only met one of them once so, it's early days I suppose.

With all that being said, I'd say that there is major progress to be made...moreso now than ever. I've been getting plenty of support from Lisa and a few others which makes things either much easier...or much hard. On the one hand, it's great to have positive vibes, on the other hand, it's alot of pressure because the last thing you want to be doing is trying to make other people happy when infact it's yourself that needs the help.

There are still morons out there that want you to fail and perhaps they might get their wish...but not without a fight. I don't have the most confidence in the world...I can't even go into a shop! I feel one day that I will get there, for now it's a far-off dream. I'll keep dreaming though.

'Till next time...

Allen Kirwan. (Still no sig)

I haven't bothered updating in a while, things have been all over the place and I haven't had the patience to write down any of my thoughts in this blog OR my private blog. Here I am though and I don't want to blabber on about my life this time so how about something a bit different?

Alot of shit is going on in the world today that I have troubled keeping track off. The amount of protesting and violence that's going on right now is unbelievable, but I do believe that it's not for nothing, that there's a genuine cause for these people to stand up and fight for their rights (to party). I don't read the news anymore, I find out most things through internet video and friends posting links on Facebook. I used to really be up to date with the goings on in the world but these days I am keeping things as stress-free as possible, so the only news I do read everyday is the Swedish news in English.

The most recent article I read was about the Jackass star Ryan Dunn. He Dunn Died...heh. It's wrong that I made a joke about that, but even more wrong that I laughed out loud at said joke that I made. Anyway, he died in a horrific car accident which also killed his passenger. It's speculated that he was drink driving so that was retarded. I hate that there are idiots on the road killing people everyday because they're either a terrible driver or drunk. Ryan Dunn is just a victim of his own stupidity and so is anyone else who thinks they can get into a car and drive while under the influence.

Now for something a bit more positive. Eurovision was AMAZING. We watched it live and were very impressed with the stage, the acts and the songs. The presenters were...eh...I'm not gonna say that they're stupid, but they were cringe worthy, German AND they spoke French. I have nothing against Germans, but they have the worst sense of humour. The French on the otherhand, I can't fucking stand...

I had a few favourite acts, they were:

France

Moldova

Bosnia & Herzegovina

F.Y.R Macedonia

Russia

I was actually impressed with Sweden's act too. I didn't like him in the National Finals of Melodifestivalen but he shaped up his act for Eurovision and put on a decent show. Not one of my favourites but, definitely worth a mention.

Well, I know it was only a quick one, but I just wanted to "pop in" and make an appearance on here as it is MY blog.

'Till Next Time...

Allen J Kirwan. (I lost the signature)

At the beginning of the month it was my birthday and, while it wasn't exactly the Queen's Golden Jubilee, I still enjoyed it muchly. The presents were awesome, the cake was green and the weather was shit, quite a combo. The birthday wishes were much appreciated aswell, I still can't believe I'm in touch with people from years past...I hate them all of course. Just kidding.

Easter's also around the corner, can I be arsed celebrating? I might be, it depends on a few things as my idea of "celebrating" doesn't involve alcohol anymore...bit of a bummer but I've been T-Total since the start of the year and I'm thinking it may stay that way. I've never been one to give a shit about Easter but, things have changed and I no longer live with the world's largest cynic about these things (yes mum, if you're reading this, I'm talking about you :P). If she isn't reading this, don't tell her I said that...she might eat me. Yes a fat joke, that's how we get along.

I can't believe they're still selling "Winter White" chocolate in the shops...I don't know if they've noticed but...

The sea is sparkling blue and there's not a cloud in the sky. Sadly, I can't enjoy it through most of the day because Lisa's in school doing school stuff. Instead I'll be doing house chores and scanning a book for Lisa. I really like to keep myself occupied with activities, I find it impossible to just lay on the couch and do nothing but play games. That sort of life really depresses me, more now than ever. I'm getting things into gear and getting myself out there more and more, little by little. Right now, I'm very happy with what I'm doing and what I hope to achieve, I feel I have some purpose and that there's light at the end of that motherfucking tunnel.

In the end, we need the downs to justify the ups.

'Till next time...

Since the end of December, my life has gone through more changes than ever before. I won't go into much detail as it's a relatively private matter but the changes that I'm going through right now have been going well so far and I wouldn't want to jinx that.

I've been through a shitload and toward the end of last year I came to realise that life was too complicated for me and Lisa to handle alone, so we've begun the process of getting some help. All I can say about that is that the UK health system let me down BIG TIME. I was told I could not get any medication and was refused any kind of medical help on the grounds that people with Autism over the age of 18 don't need it. Things are COMPLETELY different in Sweden, which is excellent for me right now, but I'm still very bitter over the way I was handled in England and I sure as Hell won't get over it in a hurry.

On that note however, I've decided to stop all talk of Autism outside of a professional manner. I had to talk with a couple of Swedish professionals just the other week and already I could tell it was boring me because I'd been asked the same or similar questions so much in the past. I can tell that it's going to be something that I'm going to have to talk about quite alot in the future with therapists and whatnot, so I would prefer to leave it there with them. From now on this blog will be about other things that interest me and might interest the people that read it. I have no interest in talking about it with friends, family or acquaintances from this point forward.

Right now, I don't have alot to talk about, hence why I barely blog these days. I do write on my LiveJournal about once a week but that's a private thing and would rather only have trusted individuals read it. Don't get me wrong, I trust alot of people with various things, it's just that the things I write about would probably offend some of the more "sensitive" individuals. You know, the ones that give Ofcom a call if they hear something they don't like on TV.

On the subject of TV, Swedish entertainment has it's highs and lows. On the one hand they have Melodifestivalen, which gives the public a chance to choose their Eurovision act for this year. It's the only regular thing I watch here every Saturday, it's brilliant. On the other hand though...daytime TV is made up of mostly middle-aged women going on about cooking, politics and education. Not exactly my cup of tea. There's not much to choose from sadly and that's where England has the upperhand.

On the newsfront, the protests in Egypt, Libya and various other countries in and around the middle east made the student riots in the UK look like a couple of nursery kids fighting over a Lego piece. FREEDOM!!

In wrestling news, THE ROCK IS BACK WAHAY! Not that I can watch it, but it's nice to hear that he's back home and everything.

Well, I'm going to end it there, there's not much point in me rambling on if I've got nothing to ramble on about.

'Till next time...

....

I'm not gonna lie, things have been quite stressful for Lisa and I over the past few months. I won't talk about that though, it's a new year so let's have some new beginnings eh?

I've been away from this place for a while, I have actually set up my blogging home somewhere else for the timebeing. AllenKirwan.com isn't the best place to get things off my chest, not the really personal, gritty stuff anyway. Anyway, I'm back and have loads to talk about so let's get started with some resolutions.

1. Lose Weight. This is the more obvious one, I'm sure everyone has this as their resolution every year, but I'm really going to make a conscious effort so that my double chin and I get the most out of life through what I consider, some pretty shitty circumstances.

2. Get Life Sorted. Bit vague, but the overall message is that if I'm not 100% happy with my life, then I should do something to fix that. Already we've got the ball rolling with Autism specialists and research concerning medication, so fingers, toes and eyes crossed that 2011 will be my year? Also...I need to really shape up my Swedish.

3. Improve Guitar. I've slacked BIG time. I don't think I've ever played the guitar less than I have in 2010. Crazy. It's still a full blown addiction of course, but I've gone from 12 hours a day to about 3-4. I've got all this time, I should do something useful with it.

4. Set The Record Straight. Even more vague than number 2 actually. Without getting into too much detail, there seems to be someone out there who doesn't quite *get* why I detest them so much, perhaps this year I'll make sure they understand.

I do indeed have a plan on how I'm going to complete these resolutions, it's going to take alot of time and effort but it'll be worth it in the end.

While not a resolution as such, more a thought, I've been thinking that some people really shouldn't be on my "friends list". Facebook is my one and only outlet to reach out to friends, family and people, such as Lisa's friends, who I may need to get hold of in the future, as such, should people who have completely neglected the idea of friendship be anywhere near that? I don't think so.

Also, gone are the days that I can't be myself on there, for fear of "consequences" from people who take issue with it. Fuck 'em I say.

I've never really made resolutions before, never wanted to, never believed in it, but this year is different because so much is going on that I need some guidelines to see me through it. Stressed? Very, but it'll settle itself once I stop playing the waiting game and get something done.

This isn't the "usual" post I suppose, more a venting of frustration with what's been happening. I hope it's readable, I can't even be fucked spellchecking or even giving it a read to make sure I didn't say something daft, nope, this one's more like a journal entry.

I would have liked to end it there, but there is a couple of things that I need to get off my chest before I get going.

Laura, thanks for being there for me the past month or so, I've really enjoyed our "essays".

Mike, New Years was AWESOME.

Here's hoping those sentiments are still there by the end of this year. I have faith!

'Till next time...