It's certainly been an enlightening year for me, I've had some tremendous ups and some terrible downs but that's what life's about!
It's hard to describe how I'm feeling these days, time has just flown by and as much as I'm happy about that, there are times when I just want to put a stop to things for 5 minutes and take a break. I've had every oppurtunity to cancel things or take a rain check, but I never have and the reason for that is that I'm scared of changing where my life is going right now. I know I'm moving in the right direction with things and some might say that I'm moving too fast...but that's how I need to have it.
Meeting people has been an extreme challenge and it's something that has been done of my own accord. Nobody has been forcing me to do anything and that's why it's so much easier for me to try harder, I don't work too well under pressure, I have to do things at my own pace and somehow go with the flow. I've met a wide variety of people so far, from allsorts of backgrounds. Some haven't been on my wavelength so they just haven't worked out, no hard feelings and all that. Some I haven't really gotten to know that well because they weren't interested...who can argue with other people's priorities? Then, there was one in particular who was a good friend for a while, who turned out to be a very bad influence, I can't stand racists or control freaks and this one was a double whammy, that one had to go.
That brings us to today and in the past week I've been involved with a couple of people who I think I like. They're complete opposites and definitely tough nuts to crack, but I'm getting there. I've only met one of them once so, it's early days I suppose.
With all that being said, I'd say that there is major progress to be made...moreso now than ever. I've been getting plenty of support from Lisa and a few others which makes things either much easier...or much hard. On the one hand, it's great to have positive vibes, on the other hand, it's alot of pressure because the last thing you want to be doing is trying to make other people happy when infact it's yourself that needs the help.
There are still morons out there that want you to fail and perhaps they might get their wish...but not without a fight. I don't have the most confidence in the world...I can't even go into a shop! I feel one day that I will get there, for now it's a far-off dream. I'll keep dreaming though.
'Till next time...
Allen Kirwan. (Still no sig)