Change.

Friday, 25 February 2011 by Al Kay
...

Since the end of December, my life has gone through more changes than ever before. I won't go into much detail as it's a relatively private matter but the changes that I'm going through right now have been going well so far and I wouldn't want to jinx that.

I've been through a shitload and toward the end of last year I came to realise that life was too complicated for me and Lisa to handle alone, so we've begun the process of getting some help. All I can say about that is that the UK health system let me down BIG TIME. I was told I could not get any medication and was refused any kind of medical help on the grounds that people with Autism over the age of 18 don't need it. Things are COMPLETELY different in Sweden, which is excellent for me right now, but I'm still very bitter over the way I was handled in England and I sure as Hell won't get over it in a hurry.

On that note however, I've decided to stop all talk of Autism outside of a professional manner. I had to talk with a couple of Swedish professionals just the other week and already I could tell it was boring me because I'd been asked the same or similar questions so much in the past. I can tell that it's going to be something that I'm going to have to talk about quite alot in the future with therapists and whatnot, so I would prefer to leave it there with them. From now on this blog will be about other things that interest me and might interest the people that read it. I have no interest in talking about it with friends, family or acquaintances from this point forward.

Right now, I don't have alot to talk about, hence why I barely blog these days. I do write on my LiveJournal about once a week but that's a private thing and would rather only have trusted individuals read it. Don't get me wrong, I trust alot of people with various things, it's just that the things I write about would probably offend some of the more "sensitive" individuals. You know, the ones that give Ofcom a call if they hear something they don't like on TV.

On the subject of TV, Swedish entertainment has it's highs and lows. On the one hand they have Melodifestivalen, which gives the public a chance to choose their Eurovision act for this year. It's the only regular thing I watch here every Saturday, it's brilliant. On the other hand though...daytime TV is made up of mostly middle-aged women going on about cooking, politics and education. Not exactly my cup of tea. There's not much to choose from sadly and that's where England has the upperhand.

On the newsfront, the protests in Egypt, Libya and various other countries in and around the middle east made the student riots in the UK look like a couple of nursery kids fighting over a Lego piece. FREEDOM!!

In wrestling news, THE ROCK IS BACK WAHAY! Not that I can watch it, but it's nice to hear that he's back home and everything.

Well, I'm going to end it there, there's not much point in me rambling on if I've got nothing to ramble on about.

'Till next time...


Posted in | 0 Comments »

Christmas Time.

Monday, 3 January 2011 by Al Kay
....

I'm not gonna lie, things have been quite stressful for Lisa and I over the past few months. I won't talk about that though, it's a new year so let's have some new beginnings eh?

I've been away from this place for a while, I have actually set up my blogging home somewhere else for the timebeing. AllenKirwan.com isn't the best place to get things off my chest, not the really personal, gritty stuff anyway. Anyway, I'm back and have loads to talk about so let's get started with some resolutions.

1. Lose Weight. This is the more obvious one, I'm sure everyone has this as their resolution every year, but I'm really going to make a conscious effort so that my double chin and I get the most out of life through what I consider, some pretty shitty circumstances.

2. Get Life Sorted. Bit vague, but the overall message is that if I'm not 100% happy with my life, then I should do something to fix that. Already we've got the ball rolling with Autism specialists and research concerning medication, so fingers, toes and eyes crossed that 2011 will be my year? Also...I need to really shape up my Swedish.

3. Improve Guitar. I've slacked BIG time. I don't think I've ever played the guitar less than I have in 2010. Crazy. It's still a full blown addiction of course, but I've gone from 12 hours a day to about 3-4. I've got all this time, I should do something useful with it.

4. Set The Record Straight. Even more vague than number 2 actually. Without getting into too much detail, there seems to be someone out there who doesn't quite *get* why I detest them so much, perhaps this year I'll make sure they understand.

I do indeed have a plan on how I'm going to complete these resolutions, it's going to take alot of time and effort but it'll be worth it in the end.

While not a resolution as such, more a thought, I've been thinking that some people really shouldn't be on my "friends list". Facebook is my one and only outlet to reach out to friends, family and people, such as Lisa's friends, who I may need to get hold of in the future, as such, should people who have completely neglected the idea of friendship be anywhere near that? I don't think so.

Also, gone are the days that I can't be myself on there, for fear of "consequences" from people who take issue with it. Fuck 'em I say.

I've never really made resolutions before, never wanted to, never believed in it, but this year is different because so much is going on that I need some guidelines to see me through it. Stressed? Very, but it'll settle itself once I stop playing the waiting game and get something done.

This isn't the "usual" post I suppose, more a venting of frustration with what's been happening. I hope it's readable, I can't even be fucked spellchecking or even giving it a read to make sure I didn't say something daft, nope, this one's more like a journal entry.

I would have liked to end it there, but there is a couple of things that I need to get off my chest before I get going.

Laura, thanks for being there for me the past month or so, I've really enjoyed our "essays".

Mike, New Years was AWESOME.

Here's hoping those sentiments are still there by the end of this year. I have faith!

'Till next time...


Posted in | 0 Comments »

A Mixed Bag.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010 by Al Kay
....

A Mixed Bag.

You're right, I haven't posted in a while.

Tons of things have been on my mind aswell, I just haven't been able to sit down and write about them. So here I am writing about how I can't write about stuff. Ironic? I barely know the meaning of the word.

Today I've finally found the je ne sais quoi to get writing! (I hate French)

So here goes:

It's been over a YEAR since I made the move to Sweden, crazy how time flies right? I can still remember how I felt around this time last year...all the memories. Lisa, her dad and I packing the car, saying farewell to my family, getting on the boat...It's cliché to say it but, it feels like yesterday. 8-9 weeks of planning and it culminated in me leaving the UK forever. It's hard to look back and not feel accomplishment, because it was the biggest gamble of my life and it paid off big time. It was all arranged by Lisa and her dad - the boats, the bridges, the hotels, the car, the trailer. I can't thank them enough for that.

If I didn't have this condition I'd have been able to get on a plane and have my belongings delivered by cargo. Ah well, if only life were that simple, we all have our downfalls so I know I'm not alone when the shit hits the fan - which is why it was a good job that Lisa's dad was so willing to help us out like he did.

I still can't believe how long it's been, I knew it would take me a while to get used to things and settle in, but everything still feels so new to me. It isn't paradise where I live, I've discovered many flaws to being on such a remote island, not to mention in a completely different country in itself, but I tend to ignore them and look at the positives. Life isn't worth living if you focus on bad things all the time, which is, admittedly, what I usually end up doing most of the time anyway.

That brings me to a conversation that Lisa and I had maybe a couple of months back. She asked me whether I thought I was a pessimist or an optimist. It was a difficult one to answer because I think there were a few points against me by default, which were:

  • The Autism doesn't exactly make me want to reach for the stars.
  • My dry sense of humour can't help.
  • I'm British.
I didn't have a brilliant start when answering Lisa's shitty question, as you could imagine. I tried to dodge it and say that I was a "Realist", but let's face it, we all make a mountain out of a molehill from time to time and I am definitely no exception. I'm not even going to list my optimistic traits because they are few and far between. Such a fucking pessimist, heh.

In other news, I can't believe how the democrats in the USA had such a weak election! I obviously keep up with these things because, let's face it, the USA is probably the most powerful country in the world...according to most Americans. Anyway, the democrats lost the House of Representatives and only just held onto the Senate, I'm not gonna get into detail on what this means because I, myself, barely understand it.
What I can say is this...it doesn't look good for Obama or the Democrats. I side towards the Left when it comes to politics and I was especially a massive Obama supporter when his election campaign was at it's strongest, so I'm left feeling a bit of disappointment for him. I don't know if he's done a good or bad job really...Americans haven't really taken to him as much I thought they would, but I've heard alot about how he's not lived up to alot of promises he made when his election campaign rolled out.
As far as I know though, 3 of his main points that he established back in '08 have come to fruition:

  • Getting out of Iraq
  • Putting a stronger focus on Afghanistan
  • Healthcare reforms
I don't know HOW successful those have been OR what other things he's done. You tell me?

Swedish and British politics have also been a bit...meh. It seems the Right winged are gaining alot of support over the globe, particularly in Europe. I'm not a big fan of that direction but who can argue with the majority? To my surprise, Lisa and I differ on who we support in Sweden, but over here the policies aren't as opposite as they are in America and the UK. From what I've seen, it's easier for the parties in the Swedish Riksdag to reach agreements. Infact most recently the two main opponent parties have come to terms on the Swedish presence in Afghanistan. This kind of thing is quite rare, especially since neither party went against their own believes to come to such an agreement.

OK, enough of politics...I know I could talk for days on end about it but even I know it's boring.

My mum and sister Jenny came for a visit about a month ago, it was great seeing them and we had a brilliant time together. Jenny got me some Jack Daniels whisky so I got some use out of that so to speak. Lisa and I took them to see the wonderful sights of Gotland, since there was 4 of us I could manage getting in a car so far away from home, we even stopped at a drive-thru. I think Jenny was a bit miffed at the traffic...there was none. Jenny lives in London and is used to the rat-race mentality, so coming to Gotland might have been a bit of a culture shock for her. The speed limit on Gotland is also very low, much lower than England and even the rest of Sweden, but it's nice to relax and with the lower speeds I think she could enjoy seeing more of the sights from the car. My mum had a nice time, I think it was a massive change to what she's used to, which is a good thing because where she comes from is a shithole (LOL!). It's true though, I'd sooner walk through a field of cow shit than go back to Sutton.

Moving on, Lisa's still in University and I never hear the end of it. Christ Almighty does she go on about it! So that's all I'm gonna say about that.

I...haven't been up to much. I walk out everyday, familiar places that are quiet though. I think I've gotten a bit complacent and perhaps need to branch out a bit to places that are less quiet. If I'm honest though I don't think it'll do any good (PESSIMIST!). I honestly can't see my ability to interact with people getting better unless I'm prescribed some sort of medication. A lot of my American friends are often shocked that I'm not on any kind of meds, I guess over there things are different. It has now come to a point that I need something to happen because, I've had quite enough of cognitive therapy. It hasn't worked and I doubt it ever will, if anything, I've got worse. I think in the new year things will be changing...hopefully for the best.

Anyway, I don't have much else to talk about...I know it seems like I'm on some sort of downer but I'm not. The positive stuff that happens in my life isn't so interesting to put into a blog, but it does happen so don't worry. I'll catch you all in a zillion years when I decide to put another post together. Lol.

'Till next time...







Posted in | 2 Comments »

Swedish Politics - "The End Of An Era"

Monday, 20 September 2010 by Al Kay
.....


I never thought I would be interested in Swedish politics - until last night. Here's what I've learned...

There are 8 parties currently in the Riksdag (Swedish Parliament), 7 of them form 2 different coalitions - The Alliance and The Red-Greens. It was between these two that the leadership was decided. The 8th party is called the Swedish Democrats, they got elected into the Riksdag last night for the first time. The Alliance beat The Red-Greens by quite a large margin, but they failed to gain the majority (50% or more) of the Riksdag.

All this basically means is that The Alliance has more power than The Red-Greens overall, but not enough to make a huge difference, which is where the Swedish Democrats come in.

The Swedish Democrats are, in the opinion of most Swedes, a racist party. In the UK, the equivalent of the Swedish Democrats is the BNP. The goal of the Swedish Democrats, according to them, is to have a responsible immigration policy but that is just an easy way of saying "No Immigrants, No Non-Whites, No Non-Swedish."

As an immigrant myself I find it disheartening to know that 5.7% (330,157) of the Swedish voting population feel this way. I wasn't an immigrant in the UK though and I found the BNP to be a disgusting excuse for human life, so I mostly have the same views now as I did before I left, thus, I'm not TOO biased.

SD = Swedish Democrats.

So what effect can the SD have on the Riksdag?

Well, since there isn't a majority goverment at the moment, the SD are what some call the decision makers. For example, if there's a movement where the The Red-Greens and The Alliance can't come to an agreement, the SD will have to make a decision on who to agree with. I'm not sure what other consequences there are to the SD being in Goverment, but I'm guessing it's not good. I know they'll be able to have much larger platform on which to speak and air their racist views though and that's not a good thing.

They've already amassed a wealth of support and it's only going to get worse if The Alliance and The Red Greens don't start working together to stop these racist people.

As you can see, the SD are the talk of the nation right now. I think people are just in disbelief that they got voted in, we all saw it coming but when it actually happened I think we all realised that it was the end of an era.

Internationally, Sweden has been a very quiet, neutral country, at least that's what I've come to believe. Now though, things may have to change. Last night may have set the stage for what might be a daunting future for Sweden.

I compare everything I come across to my experiences of living in England for 20 years by default, so I'm seeing alot of similarities between Swedish and English politics. Election night over here was fairly standard to what I'm used to, lots of numbers, statistics and parties. Nothing blew me away, but somehow I was quite intrigued about the whole thing, how one country can have so many different views of how things should be, some good, some very good, some bad and some very bad.

One thing that should be noted is how much I knew about Swedish politics before I watched it. Lisa informed me of the two major parties, just the basics, and she wasn't shy in telling me who she preferred. This most certainly affected how I was thinking during the election, which in hindsight, was not a good thing. I wouldn't say she pushed her views on me, but when describing who she liked, she made a point to say how great that party was and when talking about the other party, it felt to me like she had nothing but disdain for them. It may have been inadvertant on her part but I felt misled by the whole thing and brought it up with her today. After a good talk we both agreed that she should have found me some unbiased reading material and then I would have been able to decide for myself who I preferred.

I'm not sure where my views stand on the Government as a whole, obviously I'm either Alliance or Red-Green, they're what makes Sweden what it is today, a fine country with very few flaws. I can't vote obviously, but I can have my views and I can either keep them to myself or tell people. I just don't know what they are yet. More research is definitely in order.

I'll keep you updated.

'Till next time....


Posted in | 0 Comments »

The Summer Has Ended...:(

Tuesday, 31 August 2010 by Al Kay
......

Years ago when I was a lad, the Summer for me was a time to get away from school for 6 weeks so me and my friends could have mega waterfights, excitedly long bike rides and a few games of football on the field. Then, as I dropped out of school from the age of 15 due to the crippling nature of my Autism, it became a time for playing board games in the garden with my mother and that carried on until I moved to Sweden.

That was then though...

The Summer of 2010 has been the most enjoyable, most relaxing and by far the best time I've ever had.

We had the Eurovision Song Contest, the FiFa World Cup, Lisa's Graduation and a whole bunch of other stuff that I can't be fucked listing. For most people, my Summer would seem boring but when you can't exactly get out of the house much it's been a welcome relief to have some FUN! Obviously it's been packed here at the beach so most of the stuff we've done has been inside, not exactly a perk but at least I wasn't sweating buckets in the too-hot-for-fat-folk weather. I didn't actually go on the beach all Summer, shame really but what could I have done? I'm not risking panic attacks just so I can get some sand on my feet, fuck that :p.

Moving on...as the title of this post suggests, it is indeed the end of the Summer here, sure we'll maybe have a few nice days here and there but it's not the same, I can already feel the bitey wind that Gotland is known for. Gotland is also known for hedgehogs and my fuck...there were tons! The nature here is out of this world, I've never seen so many animals in all my life - foxes, frogs, toads, dragonflies, snakes, mice, lizards, caterpillars, rabbits and squirrels. There's even a shitload of crickets chirping away like you hear in American movies when it's night time. Mosquitos are a fucking bitch though.

Ahh, Gotland is fun.

Too bad I've been sick for the past 2 weeks though, I looked it up online and I'm almost positive it's the flu...I dunno what kind or "strain" it is but it's a pain in the ass. With a simple cold all you have to deal with is a runny nose and a bit of lightheadedness, with the flu you can't even get out of bed because of the aching joints. I'm in the latter stages of it though so I'll be fine within a few days I reckon.

I'm gonna keep it short and end it there, I felt like writing and I didn't want to over do it, sometimes I just go on and on, other times I just feel like writing a paragraph. So in closing, Summer was amazing and I hope everyone else is doing well. Thanks for reading!

'Till next time....


Posted in | 2 Comments »

Rambling about Summer and...stuff.

Monday, 26 July 2010 by Al Kay
.....

I don't blog much these days, the past few months have been quite different compared to when I first came here. Gone are the heaps of snow, graffitied walls and dead silence, replaced with dozens of cars, sunny weather and screaming children, yes the Summer is indeed here and it's...all right.

As I've said in previous blogs, I knew the Summer was going to busy on Gotland and since I live by the seaside there was no way to escape it. This place is one of the biggest tourist destinations in Sweden and I have prepared myself for the hundreds of people that come here from places like Germany, Norway, Denmark and Holland.
Everyday I would look out of my bedroom window and see and empty carpark with a beach and a swingset and I always wondered "...tourists come HERE?" I couldn't understand the hype of this place until around June, when suddenly flowers were blossoming and wildlife was everywhere. It was then that I realised that this place was no ghost town, this place was full of life!

Progress wise, things have slowed down a bit as was expected - however, I've managed quite well, indeed..very well if I do say so myself. I'm extremely proud of how I've coped with the amount of people right on my doorstep and I understand how the people who live here feel in the Summer. These tourist do tend to invade the local's privacy to an extent and you can see it on their faces that they're not too pleased about it, but the tourism and that cement factory is what keeps Gotland afloat (no pun intended) so it's the nature of the beast.
My walks have been cut down a bit, but I'm happy just to get out of the house really. They can last for 30-60 minutes but not really much more than that, I do feel quite vulnerable here this time of year but like I said, I'm managing.

The tourists are certainly...interesting. They don't really bother anyone alot but we have come across some posh cunts, ignorant twats and overexcited teenagers who act like they've never seen a beach before which is actually quite amusing. They're on their holiday so who am I to put a dampner on it? I just find it funny. Lisa does too, infact she overheard a conversation that went something like:

"Where do you think the people that live here work?"

"Oh I don't know, probably in that factory."

"Ah yes, most likely."

When Lisa got home and told me that conversation I just laughed at their stupidity and ignorance.

Last week was Stockholm Week...I don't know what it is, don't ask, but for some reason a bunch of people from Stockholm come to the island and party for a week. Lisa has told me about this a few times in the past before I came here...she doesn't really like the partying Stockholmers much at all, she says they're..and I quote:

All assholes


Have I ever told you how much I love her? Haha.

Yeah, some came to Slite and kept the whole town up with their "hilarious" antics. One of the more interesting things that did happen that week though was a car show..or something. We're not entirely sure what it was but, a shitload of fancy cars, old and new, drove around Slite and probably most of the island, we videoed some of it and are working on a project to do with that. That was pretty cool.

In other news I'm still Eurovision crazy, Lisa and I, on a whim, decided to buy the past 3 years DVDs and CDs! I know...mental. We liked them, not as much as this year's though, infact we watched the first semi final of this year's last night and we were blown away! We love it! I guess all couples have their little things that they love to do or watch together, it's all fun.

I'm still shit with people, even family, heck, even friends. I just don't know how to act or what to say and I'm stumbling quite a bit on my words. My memory has been extremely poor lately aswell, maybe I'm getting like my mum but I don't know, I'm getting distracted by small things and they overpower what's happening around me. For example, today was weird, I was on the laptop checking my Facebook and things and I asked Lisa if she could find my phone for me, anyway 5 minutes later I close the laptop and get up off the couch only to find that my phone was in my pocket, I thought this was strange...but it turns out that while I was checking my stuff on the laptop, Lisa had found my phone passed it to me and I'd put it in my pocket myself, I couldn't remember anything about this at all. These things are happening more and more frequently. We do have a theory about why this is happening though.

If you've read my Autism blog then you'd know all about my obsessions, particularly the guitar. A couple of weeks back the power supply to my FX pedal decided to...not work and for days we tried to find one online but Sweden are completely out of stock and importing one from England would be extremely costly so fuck that. In the end we have decided to wait for it to get in stock over here and that's where we currently are with that. It doesn't end there though, I believe the increase in memory loss and other odd behaviour is down to "guitar withdrawals" I know it sounds crazy but it's the only solution we can think of. Now, I don't have the shakes and I don't have crazy eyes, but I do feel that there is a feeling of emptiness in me that I can't explain, it's a bit of a sad feeling for me and I just wish I could play my electric again! I just feel extremely stressed without it to be honest, it was the one thing that really calmed me down. Along with the mental stress there's also the physical implications of not playing electric guitar, my wrist doesn't feel right, my fingers are starting to soften and my elbow is a bit sore. "Why don't you play your acoustic?" Well, I do, alot...but it's not the same, my strumming and picking technique is different with both electric and acoustic so it can't really be helped. It'll sort itself out in due course I'm sure.

One thing about my Autism that Lisa and I have discovered is that I have the ability to remember what key a song is in on the guitar without listening to it for an unlimited amount of time. Okay, that basically means that if you ask me for instance what key a song is in, I wouldn't have to listen to that song there and then, it's in my mind and all I need is a guitar or a piano to tell you what key it's in. Complicated I know, especially for people who don't understand keys, chords, notes and rhythm, but in the music world it's quite rare to have that ability. Wooo!

Well, I couldn't think of anything else to talk about (thank God, this has gone on long enough lol). Sorry for my all-over-the-place style but, it's just some thoughts that I figured would be good to jot down, I do it for myself mainly, like a diary, but I often get messages from people telling me they've read it and then we have a conversation about whatever subject matter I tend to delve into here. It's nice to see that people are interested and even if they weren't, I'd still write. Maybe this could replace my electric guitar for the time being? Maybe.

'Till next time...


Posted in | 2 Comments »

Eyam

Friday, 25 June 2010 by Al Kay
............

Eyam

Been a long time since I blogged, it's because I've got quite a big blog in the works and I've had to do alot of research before I publish it. Now, in the meantime I have decided that it would be fun to a do a bit of a lighthearted picture blog so that anyone who reads these things knows that I haven't abandoned Blogger.

So, the topic of this picture blog is a day out I had with Jenny (my sister) and Lisa to a place called Eyam, to quote Wikipedia...

Eyam is a small village in Derbyshire, England. The village is best known for being the "plague village" that chose to isolate itself when the plague was discovered there in August 1665, rather than let the infection spread.
I'd been there before with school and I really liked it, it was such a small place with tiny roads and old houses, of course I never appreciated it at the time, I was too busy having a laugh and taking the piss with my friends. Ahh to be a teenager...

Anyway, it's EXTREMELY rare that I spend more than an hour or so outside so this was particularly special for me personally. Also, it was the last time I got to spend any real time with Jenny before I left England. I could just about handle it, I was already familiar with the place and I had two people I knew very well to go with me, so if I had any trouble with other folk or if I felt things weren't all right, Jenny and Lisa would be there to help me out

So let's get started...

On the way to Eyam, we found this lovely view so we had to get out and take a picture of it.


So...we parked where we shouldn't have. (Snooze, you lose)


Poor woman lost her entire family...how did she survive?!



Here's me and Jenny walking around, dunno why Lisa took this from behind. I look dead scruffy.



People still live in these cottages, I dunno how they can though because the two times that I've been it has been packed with tourists.


We got to this church, you couldn't really miss it in this small village.


We walked around the church, there were alot of graves, this one stood out to us as it's more of a tomb.



One regret about the trip that Lisa and I had was that we didn't notice the Anglo-Saxon cross to the right of the picture until we got home and looked up Eyam on Wikipedia, turns out it's dated to the 7th century! We would have tried to get a better picture of it had we known.



The graveyard behind the church. Amazing views looking up, lovely greenery.


We went through more than the church but, we didn't want to take too many pictures out of respect for the people that lived there, here's our final shot of Eyam, the museum.


That wasn't all of our day out though, on the way back we stopped at the Five Pits Trail for a bit of a walk. As we were driving there, we had a look at the crooked spire!



We found the Five Pits Trail, Jenny used to come here as a child when she visited my aunt and uncle.



This is a bench...nice place to sit, or stand on.


I look ridiculous in the photograph, typical fat kid, stains on t-shirt and all. Had to put it on though, think of it as proof that I went out? I couldn't make it to where Lisa was...not scared of heights or anything, I just didn't think the tree could hold me and if I fell I might have sunk into the ground.


Here's Jen on the same tree, she had no problem climbing it like Lisa.


The Five Pits Trail sign...


And one last look....



Looking back, it was as if we knew that I was leaving England that Summer, of course at the time that we went on the Eyam trip we had no idea, but when I think about it, it was obviously my last chance to do this kind of thing, to visit all these places before I left it for good. I'm happy with the way things have turned out, so I can look back and smile at days like these.

Time to get back to work on my other blog, thanks for reading and looking at the photos...Lisa did most of the camera work by the way, I took a few, but who's counting?

'Till next time....


Posted in | 1 Comment »